AN: i sed stup flaming up angles! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend jean 4 hleping me!
"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Mabel Pines chased after me shouting but she had to stop when I went into my room cause she would look like a perv that way.
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Sheriff Blubs was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Edwin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their police car.
"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.
"What are you doing firing a cam at civilians? This is for the FBI to do!" he yelled at Blubs and Edwin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Blubs and Edwin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Mabel Pines ran in. "Bayonetta, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she shouted looking at Blubs and Edwin and then she threw Waddles at them and suddenly…
Robbie ran outside on his bike and said everyone we need to talk.
"What do you know, Robbie? You’re just a little Gravity Falls student!"
"I MAY BE A GRAVTY FALLS STUDENT…." Robbiie paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
"This cannot be." Blubs said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Waddles had licked him. "There must be other factors."
"YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.
Edwin held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”
I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.
"Why are you doing this?" Edwin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.
And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to sic demons on him and send him to Inferno because I felt faint.
"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Robbie said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his iPod in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a punk version of Fly Me To The Moon.
"Because you’re umbra?" Blubs asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Queen Sheeba.
"Because I LOVE HER!"
***
AN: stop f,aing ok robbie isnt a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I didnt wunt 2 adres da ishu! how du u no stan iant kristian plus rob isn’t really in luv wif ebony dat was lil gideon ok!
I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Diver had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.
"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS ROBbie but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY NONEXISTENT SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.
I stopped. “How did u know?”
"I saw it! And my scar turned into z lightning bolt!"
"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn’t have a scar!" I shouted.
"I don’t but Diabolo drew one with crayons for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Dipper….Father Balder has him bondage!"
Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Blubs and Edwin and ROHBI were there too. They were going to NAMBLA headquarters after they recovered cause they weren’t pedofiles and you have to have those fucking pervs working in a town with lots of hot boyz. Mabel had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.
Anyway Robbie came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.
"Baynoetta I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.
"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up angels like you." I snapped. Robbie had been mean to me before for being umbran.
"No Bayoneatta." Robbie says. "Those are not roses."
"What, are they witches too you lumen sage?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.
"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn’t I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Blubs and Edwin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.
"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.
He pointed his iPod at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .
"That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.
"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Wello whoo wantsu ae lambae lambae lambae(4 all u cool umbran gravity falls fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for jean I love you girl!)Souo goi upo andae greeteu youro mammu mammu mammu!"
And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t an angel.
"OK I believe you now wtf is Dipper?"
Robbie rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.
"U c, Bayooneta," Mobel said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"
"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN LITTLE GIRL!" Robbie yelled. MAAbEl lookd shockd. I guess she didn’t have a headache or else she would have said something back.
Robbie stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, little gurl Mbel pins!”
Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur an angel so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.
"You look kawai, girl." B’loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Blubs and Ewdin couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some shops. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Dipper had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Dipper. He was sucking some blood from Mc Gucket.
"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wquallysaid way.
We both looked at each other for some time. Norman had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dippers. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Soos who was watching us and so was everyone else.
"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Dipper!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.
Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.
"NO!" I ran up closer.
"I thought you didn’t have a scar!" I shouted.
"I don’t but Diabolo drew a pentagram shaped one with crayons for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Dipper….Fafer Baldr has him bondage!"
SPECIAL FANGZ 2 JANNE MY UMBRAN BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111
HEY Jean DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I
****
AN: jeane fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! ANGLES STOP FLAMIGNG!
Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Mabel. We were so scared.
"Mabel Babel!" we both yelled. Mabel came there.
"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" she asked angrily.
"Faser Blader has Dipper!" we shouted at the same time.
She laughed in an evil voice.
"No! Don’t! We need to save Dipper!" we begged.
"No." she said meanly. "I don’t give a darn what Father Balder does to Dipper. Not after how much he misbehaved in Vigrid especially with YOU Bayonetta." she said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then she walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Dipper!" he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)
"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.
"What?" I asked him.
"You’ll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Fafther Balder’s lair!
We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Go to Helios!”
It was….. Father Balder!
****
AN: fuk off ANGLES ok! Jeanne fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 purgatorio kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.
We ran to where Fathcer Baldr was. It turned out that Flader Balda wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who obsessed over Mabel was. Dipper was there crying tears of blood. Lil Gideon was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Lil Gideon.
"Rid my sight you despicable angels!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a cake-eater ok)
"Huh?" I asked.
"Baynoetta I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Lil Gideon. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.
"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.
"Lil Gideon what art thou doing?" called Father Balder. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our missiles and we flew to Vigrid. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.
"What’s wrong honey?" asked Dipper taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really small you-know-what and everything.
"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and angels here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything."
"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the angels anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Dipper.
"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Blubs and Edwin took a video of me naked. Robbie says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Lil Gideon is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Dipper! Why couldn’t Queen Sheeba have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don’t wory bayonaetta isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.